beautiful, funny, sad & true

Man, yesterday was rough.

Work was the usual; boring and stressful, and I pretty much sleepwalked through the entire day. Got home to find an e-mail inviting me to listen to some early mixes of some songs that I played on a month or so ago. I listened, to find that half of the stuff I’d played had been either deleted completely or otherwise pretty well buried in the mix.

I decided to watch a movie to try and cheer up, but that didn’t help. I realized that I’d left my phone in my bag, and when I went to get it, there was a message from my dad. He asked me to please return his call, because they’re leaving the country on Friday, and he wanted to check in with me before they go. As tuned out as I felt, I figured it was the perfect time. I laid on my bed in the dark, only half-listening to his braggadocio and stories. We ‘talked’ for about twenty minutes, and then he had ‘stuff to do, and I’m sure you do too’, so I told him that I hope they have a great trip, and that was about it. I came away from the conversation feeling even worse.

I went in and dinked around online for a while longer, but my heart wasn’t in it, so I decided to go to bed early, and read or something. Even that didn’t work. I couldn’t focus on the book at all, so I put it down, shut the light off and laid there, on the verge of tears.

When I fell asleep, I had a dream that involved MostRecentExGirlfriend, in which she invited me to a party with a bunch of her friends. You’d think that would be a fun dream, but things didn’t exactly go as we planned, and we ended up either arguing or trying to avoid each other the entire time. It was a very sad and frustrating dream.

I feel worse this morning than I did yesterday, but I have my fingers crossed nonetheless. If you’ve been trying to get in touch with me lately, I apologize. I’ve been feeling very strange for about two or three weeks now. I’ve been avoiding phone calls, for the most part, and wanting to be alone a lot more, to a degree that is unusual even for me. This last weekend was great, though, and the dinner/movie/conversation with Joan last night was great also. I’m sure this weirdness will pass, but I haven’t felt this listless in years.

It’s below freezing today, but it’s supposed to be sunny and nice again, so I think I’ll bundle up and walk to work, which is a great way to wake up, and it always makes me feel good. I walked yesterday too.

I hope this listlessness passes soon; this is not my idea of living.

Just had to share that I had the best drum recording session ever yesterday. It was for a new project that Sarah is doing before she moves to Austin. We spent hours placing the microphones, and tuning all of the drums well–sweating all the details–and it really made a huge difference. When everything sounds great, you tend to play great, and I felt confident and able to contribute some drum tracks that are interesting and appropriate to the songs. I can’t wait to be able to share the fruits of our labor with you.

I can, however, share a picture.

Today’s session is going to be the bass tracks, and possibly some keyboard tracks too.

Between hanging out and playing with BT and his band last weekend, and hanging out with Maddy, Heather and Jeff–and certainly not to forget Kelly, her dad, Nancy, and Joan–at my gig last night, it’s been quite the week for reconnecting with old friends.

Went to see the movie “Walk Hard” with my friend John a couple of nights ago. We both loved it, but I think we would both say that it’s not for the faint of heart. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s sort of a send-up of a lot of rockumentaries like “Walk the Line.” The main character is based primarily on Johnny Cash, but there are plenty of other allusions too, like Brian Wilson, Ray Charles, and many others.

Tonight I have a cello gig down in Salem, and this whole weekend will be spent playing drums and electric bass for a new recording project that I’m working on.

I have to confess that the wind has been out of my sails this week where blogging is concerned. You can always tell when I post things like videos instead of writing actual entries. Not only have I been super busy this week, but I spent the afternoon and evening of Christmas Eve in an online argument–see the comments at the bottom of this entry, if you care to–and that’s why I’ve been a bit more scarce than usual.

After tonight, I have no gigs until after the New Year, which I’m very happy about. Glad to have the opportunity to just be with friends or go out instead of having to be somewhere and play.

Hopefully your week and holidays are going well!

Today is the one-year anniversary of BFS&T. Actually, to be more accurate, it’s the one-year anniversary of this incarnation of it, because I’ve had a MySpace blog of the same name for two and a half years longer than that. I still use it for a few things, but this one has definitely taken over and become the main one.

Lots has happened in the last year. I learned how to take much better pictures, for one thing. This year’s ‘best pictures of the year’ entry will be quite a step up from last year’s.

This year’s musical accomplishments have been a step up, too. The Young Immortals–whose CD I produced and played on–have had a song picked up by WorldFamousCoffeeCompany, and radio play all over the country. There are even some radio stations in France and Ireland who love and play TYI. There are teenage girls who make videos of themselves singing TYI songs and posting them on WebSiteThat’sLikeTV. This past spring, summer and fall, I made enough money at music-related endeavors that I could have quite easily lived without my day job. Too bad about the whole winter season, though. There’s always a huge drop-off then, and I’m still trying to figure out how to make things happen in that time.

Cello-ness has been steadily improving as well. This year has seen the cello become one of the primary instruments I’ve been called to play, both live and on various recordings. That has caused a certain amount of anxiety for me, since some of my friends are among the best cellists in this town, but I’m also not stupid enough to turn down great opportunities that come my way, either. If it’s something I can play, I play it, and I appreciate every gradual step up.

Romantic relationships continue to be a bit troublesome for me. The one this past year was one of the ones that really changed both of our lives, though, so I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much. As one of my friends likes to say, “You’re just making room for the one that’s the right one.”

Overall, I’d say that things are going really well. Goals? Yes, I have a few. Keep improving myself as a person and as a musician, take more ‘chances’ in my life, TRAVEL MORE, reach out more and be a better friend, take my music career to the next level (and figure out what I want that next level to be), and also to take better care of myself.

Oh yes. . .and of course, to keep blogging steadily. I expect you to help keep me accountable in these endeavors.

Here’s to the next year!

In this dream, I’m walking through a Beatles museum. It’s a round building of a very modern design. It consists of a long, curving main hallway with a multitude of small, separate rooms on each side of the hallway. All the walls and floors are white, but each one is decorated in a slightly different style.

Each room is crammed full of pictures, and some of the rooms are devoted to clothes that were worn by the group. Others are devoted to guitars. Still others are filled with vintage four-track tape machines which visitors can use to listen to rare recordings, and make their own remixes (for a steep extra fee, of course).

As I’m walking by myself through this museum, I turn and walk into a newly-built room that is filled with only a few smallish pictures on two of the walls, a large blackboard on the third wall, a white tile floor. . .and three of the actual, live Beatles. It’s John Lennon, Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, looking as they did in late 1964 or early 1965.

The three guys are sitting on the floor, leaning back against the blackboard wall. They are talking with each other and laughing, as a group of about eight or ten children sit on the floor and color. In the middle of the floor there is a small, round white viewing table with a glass top. The table spins slowly, thanks to a small electric motor inside it. The kids’ teacher walks in the room, so I sit down on top of the table.

It is only then that we all notice what the kids have been coloring all this time. They’ve been using their crayons to color the individual tiles on the floor of the room. They have also written a bunch of short phrases and letters all over the white table top. The teacher is horrified, and she starts to talk very seriously to the kids. She grabs the little cardboard box and starts to collect all the crayons, but the Beatles are actually impressed with how beautiful the multi-colored floor looks now, especially compared to the stark white of the rest of the museum. Ringo tells the teacher to “let ’em keep at it,” and Paul starts to theorize about how “in a million years, this room will be the most famous room ‘ere, ’cause it’s our favourite” and because “we actually hung out in here and all that.”

The teacher seems to think I’m a member of the Beatles, so I decide to play along and pretend to be George Harrison. Since I’m still sitting on the table, she asks me if I’m the one who wrote all over it. I say, in a very distinguished-like Liverpudlian accent, “It might appear that way, but it wasn’t me. I only thought about it.” I point at one of the kids. “He’s the one who wrote it all.” Everyone in the room laughs. I leave my arm outstretched, and as the table spins around to the kid I pointed at, he grabs my finger, holds on, and runs around the table like it’s a merry-go-round.

It’s a very sweet and hilarious moment, and that’s when I woke up.

* * * *

p.s. – I don’t know why I’ve had so many vivid and strange dreams lately, but I’ve certainly enjoyed them, and obviously I’m happy to keep posting them here.

p.p.s. – It’s snowing!