beautiful, funny, sad & true

For the last couple of years that I lived in Yakima, mountain biking became my Thing. Yakima itself may be a dump, but it’s close to lots of beautiful mountainsandtrailsandskiingandhikingandbikingplaces. So there you go.

In order to get my strength and stamina up for our weekend jaunts to the mountains, I started riding my bike to my job at LocalComputerStore, which was about four miles each way. My favorite way to ride home was the dirt road along the railroad tracks that went through the older, historic parts of town.

Oh yeah. In order for this story to be funny, you need to know that back then I used to have my hair pretty long, in a mullet. Yes, a mullet. I usually kept it in a ponytail, though. That’s gotta count for something, right?

So picture this. I was riding along the tracks, with my ponytail and my helmet and my T-shirt and my long shorts. These two guys in a battered white Ford pickup came up behind me and honked, and PassengerSideGuy rolled the window down to yell, “Hey, nice tight ass!”

As they slowed down and pulled up alongside me, I looked over and laughed, which is when PassengerSide saw my five o’ clock shadow and glasses. He turned to DriverGuy and said, “Oh, dude. . .it’s a GUY. GO GO GO GO!” and he did that rolling motion with his index finger as he said “go go go” that made me laugh so hard I just about fell off my bike.

I was also glad, in that moment, that I wasn’t a girl riding by herself out in the middle of nowhere, because things would have likely been very different. Then again, if I was a girl who looked like I did at the time, I would have been a very scary-looking girl indeed. Hairiest legs in the world, for one thing. Scraggliest hair and biggest glasses, for another.

Sorry I’ve been so absent from blogging this week. I’ve had rehearsals almost every night, and I had a gig somewhere in there too. I should have a little more time this weekend for writing about more ‘real’ stuff than this. But in the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this story.

My brother sent this to me the other day, and I just about fell out of my chair laughing.

I did some nosing around to find out that this is a serious ad, brought to you by the Washington Wine Commission. They have the same type of ad running in lots of the wine-producing towns throughout the state (Woodinville, Prosser, etc.). Which is fine. Heck yeah, let’s promote the region as the great up-and-coming wine producer that it is.

But Yakima? The envy of France?

Words fail me.

If you’ve ever been to Yakima, Washington, you may or may not know about Ron’s Drive-In at 16th and. . .uhh. . .Lincoln.

My family moved to Yakima in 1971 from Cambridge, Massachusetts. Suffice it to say that I still wonder why we ever moved. If I’d had any say, I would have happily chosen to stay in Cambridge, rather than a tiny town in the middle of nowhere, but whatever. It’s all water under the proverbial bridge, and I have a really good life now, in Portland, so it all works out.

I know, I know. All my Yakima stories start that way. And this post started out as a witty, insightful memoir! Le Sigh.

So anyway, Ron’s Drive-In. They were famous for chocolate and vanilla swirl ice-cream cones, so one hot summer day while my brother and I were driving around, and we stopped at the traffic light in front of Ron’s, we looked up to read their rotating sign. It said,

“HAVE YOU HAD YOUR 1 AND 1 TODAY?”

Then there was a space, and two 2’s almost underneath the 1’s. We sat at the light, confused, reading aloud, trying to work out what it said.

“Have you had your. . .one and one, two and two. . .one-two and one-two. . .one-over-two, one-over-tw–ohhh. Half and half!” I wish I could excuse our ignorance by telling you that we were too young to know any better, but in all honesty I can’t. I was in high school and my brother was in junior high.

Boy, did we feel intelligent that day.

Since it was the last working day pre-Easter, we all chipped in and had a potluck. Which was fine, but the real fun came when one lady brought in Peep candles. We suddenly regressed to being a bunch of five-year-olds, and this was the result.

Oh, and today was my Yearly Performance Review. It consisted of my former supervisor, my new supervisor, the head honcho boss, and me. It went well. We all agreed that I’m intelligent, resourceful, resilient, open-minded, likeable, communicative, slightly unmotivated, and I could use my time more efficiently. And considering the changes I’ve been put through this year (three new positions in the last five months), everyone agreed that I’ve handled things surprisingly well, all things considered.

My favorite record store is Everyday Music. We went there last night, and I found Ali G, the new Menomena CD, and an anime DVD called “Grave of the Fireflies”, which promises to be beautiful and tragic. I’ll letcha know.