I’m sorry you had to die. The thing is, I tried everything I could to NOT kill you. You were trapped behind the curtain, so I pushed it aside to let you out. I opened my bedroom door and turned on the light in the kitchen, MANY TIMES, to try and lure you out there so that I could shut the door and go to sleep. That tactic worked for your friend or brother or wife or whatever, but not for you. You kept flying into things and making that buzzing, flapping noise with your wings, and that shit kept me awake for hours just as I was drifting off to sleep, three or four times.

The thing you have to know about humans is that they get very irritable when they are deprived of sleep, and the more primeval parts of their brains become more active. When you stopped moving for a couple of seconds, I had already tried those other things, so I had no other choice but to squash you behind the curtain. I must admit that the sound you made when you fell dead on the windowsill was very satisfying to me, because it meant that I would finally be getting some well-deserved rest. Yesterday was very busy for me, you know, and this morning I’m driving to the beach, so I really needed that sleep.

Oh. . .and your friend/brother/wife? I killed him/her this morning. Just thought you should know. He/she was milling around on the counter in the kitchen while I was making breakfast, which is completely unacceptable. That’s another thing about humans; they get very testy regarding the preparation of their food. Some humans even get very fussy with EACH OTHER about the preparation of food. They think that things need to be cut a certain way, or washed a certain way, and many an argument has ensued. We can’t even work in a restaurant unless we’ve paid money and taken a little test to show that we know The Rules. Think about THAT. Well, I mean, think about that in your NEXT LIFE because you’re both dead now.

I’m going to try not to think about you while I’m in Astoria and Cannon Beach. The reason I say that is because I’m very tired, thanks to you, and that’s going to be affecting me all day, and maybe even tomorrow too. Whatever, you know? I’m gonna be having a good time (I think) and the weather is supposed to be beautiful, so I’ll be busy enjoying life, while you two are squashed in a paper towel in my garbage can.

Just remember that I tried hard to save you. It didn’t have to end that way.