beautiful, funny, sad & true

Earlier this week I found out that my drummer friend Adam is moving back to Yakima in about a week. Tonight’s the last night that he’ll be playing in town before then. I’ll be there.

Today I found out that my bass player friend Wayne and his wife Meg are moving to Los Angeles in January. Tonight is the last night that he and Adam (who play in the same band) will be playing in town before Adam leaves for Yakima.

It seems as though lots of people I know are shaking up their lives, and lately I’ve been feeling the need to shake my own life up again as well. I’ve done it before, when I had precious little going for me, and now I have so much.

And while we’re on the subject of all that, I found out that Steph and the band were on TV last night. Our Lake Oswego show was on the air for a full two hours. I had four people tell me they saw it, and I even got a message on MySpace from a childhood friend from Yakima–who I’ve not seen in about fifteen years–to tell me that after he retrieved his jaw from the ground, he watched the show and really enjoyed it. Amazing.

PART ONE:

Kelly’s seeing somebody else now. I found out the day before I left for Nevada. I’m not going to go into too much detail about it, but the timing of it was pretty painful. After a couple months of not seeing each other at all–but still writing a lot–she and I had started spending time together again, and enjoying being close again. After a few false starts and ups-and-downs, we were trying to figure out what our relationship was going to morph into. But it seems that she wants me completely out of her life; at least that’s what her actions are saying.

I have a good track record of remaining friends with people I’ve been in relationships with, and so does Kelly, but OUCH. I’m really reeling from all this. I do miss her and care about her a lot, even still. After ten months of being deeply involved with someone, it’s hard to make sense of everything when it comes to a complete stop. But like I wrote the other day, it helps to have a busy, fun life and great friendships to fall back on. I’ve gotten some good, straightforward advice from the people I trust. And I’ve listened.

PART TWO:

I was at work when I got Kelly’s e-mails, and I felt like I’d had the wind knocked out of me. I needed to get away from the computer for a while. I went downstairs to get some coffee and take a walk outside. One of my work friends was already in line. He was with another girl who works with us, and he introduced me to her, saying, “This is Todd. He plays in that band I told you about that we have to go see.” (He came to see Stephanie’s band the most recent time we played at Jimmy Mak’s.) They asked when our next shows were, and I said, “Well, tomorrow Steph and I are going to Elko, Nevada, actually. We’re playing at the college down there. We played there last year with Dirty Martini, and had the time of our lives. I’m really looking forward to going back.” Just then our coffee was ready, so they went back upstairs to work, and I walked over to get a ‘vest’, or whatever you call those things that you put around your cup to keep the coffee warmer longer.

There was a woman waiting in line behind me, who had overheard our conversation. She asked me, “Did you say you’re playing in Elko? I have a friend who lives there. . .” She appeared to be about my age, and she had a faint trace of an accent, possibly an Irish one. She had short brown hair, and her name was Kelly. We had a really nice conversation about the friends we both have who have somehow ended up living in places and circumstances that don’t befit their temperaments and desires, and it even seemed mildly flirtatious. What would normally have happened next is that we would meet at a mutually-agreed-upon location at some specified time in the near future, but I was not in my usual state of mind, so that didn’t even occur to me. I hope she doesn’t think I was blowing her off. She seemed like a genuinely good person to know, and those kind of people are extremely rare. And who knows? We each now know that the other exists. Maybe she even reads blogs. Let’s find out:

Kelly–who I met in the Blue Heron coffee shop in Portland, with the geologist friend in Elko, Nevada–this is Todd. If you’re out there, I enjoyed our conversation very much, and would love for us to have another one like it.

There.

What I learned from the Blue Heron experience is that I shouldn’t get too disheartened about this new development with Kelly, because there are plenty of other good people waiting in the wings. They tend to make themselves known when I’m least expecting them, but they’re out there, and they want to be with me. They will appreciate me the way I deserve to be appreciated, and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I will do the same for them.

I’ll write more about my sadness et cetera some other time soon, but in the meantime, it’s like I’ve always said. If you’re having a rough time emotionally, it helps to have great friends and a busy, fun life to fall back on while your wounds heal.

The trip and the gig were both a total blast. Stephanie and I flew down to Reno, then drove four hours to Elko to play at Great Basin College. We played there last year with Dirty Martini, and Steph had played there twice before that, with DM and on her own. So she has a considerable base of fans there, and it turned out that I even had a small (but strong!) contingent as well, which was surprising and cool to learn. It was just an all-around great experience.

We played outside this time, in the ampitheater right in the middle of the campus. It was a warm, breezy night, and it was particularly beautiful. Steph played acoustic guitar and piano–they wheeled a real piano out to the ampitheater for us to use!–and I played electric guitar, accordion and piano on a few songs too. We were totally on. We barely missed a note, and we felt totally in sync with each other. After some of the tough gigs we’ve had lately, this was a welcome relief. Total blast, and I have a feeling we’ll be back down in Elko again before too long.

After dropping our instruments at the hotel, we decided to try our hands at gambling. I tried a slot machine at the first place; put in a dollar and instantly won eight dollars back, so I took that as a good sign and stopped. We walked through the rest of the place and were unimpressed, so we walked across the street to a larger, more bustling casino. We each got a drink, and she played blackjack for a while. I don’t know how, so I watched. She got on a nice little winning streak too, earning twenty dollars from the five she started with, but she left empty-handed after a few more hands, despite one of the other players’ advice, “Hey, you should quit now, while you’re ahead.” We walked around again, and I decided to try some slot machines again, since I’d had good luck with them before. I started with twenty dollars, got down to almost nothing, and then won thirty five, so I decided to quit too.

The drive back was really nice. Steph had about a million phone calls to take care of, so I drove the whole way back to Reno. We stopped at a wide spot in the road called Trinity, which I think used to be a mine, but has since been reduced to a rest stop on one side of the highway and a dilapidated truck stop sign on the other. We stopped for a few minutes so I could take some pictures.

At the rest stop there, we encountered the most foul and disgusting porta-potties either of us had seen in our entire lives.
Steph opened the door to one and instantly stepped back, hands over her face in horror. “I’ve never seen anything that disgusting before,” she said. With a statement like that, my morbid curiosity was piqued, so I took a peek. The inside was smeared with feces, and there was an enormous pile of it on the back of the toilet seat. Repulsive. We both cracked up laughing, and I said, “I’m so sorry you had to see that.”
Good-hearted Steph gave the unknown person the benefit of the doubt and said, “Maybe it was dark, and they just couldn’t see what they were doing.”
“But there are huge flood lights everywhere. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t be able to see. I’m gonna have to ‘poo-poo’ that theory.” (Now THAT’S good comedy.)

We arrived at the Reno airport and ate at a really good little brew pub there. The flight, however, was pretty rough. Despite the nice weather, there was lots of turbulence. We were all getting increasingly nervous as the plane kept shuddering and lurching. Finally it settled down and so did we. But once again, when we started our descent into Portland, it happened again. It was very nice to be down on solid ground again. And can I just say how nice Portland’s airport is? It’s really beautiful, especially in the evening sunshine.

I hung out with NeighborFriendSusan for a little while, since I hadn’t seen her for a few days, then I went to bed at 10:30. Slept until 11:30 the next morning, when BoringFish called to see how I was doing. We talked for a while, then I got up and decided that today is the day I’m going to get my pictures framed and hung in my apartment. I chose my favorites and took them over to the photo printing place, where they’ll be done any minute now, so I’m gonna head back out. I’ll take pictures of my new-and-improved apartment once I get them hung. I daresay you’ll be impressed with the new look.

Please remind me why I have a heart.

I’m really sad.

I’ll be in Nevada for the next couple of days. Wish us luck, and a safe journey, and all that.

Last night I set up the Mail program on my new iMac. This wouldn’t normally merit mention in a blog entry if not for the fact that somehow it ended up downloading some particularly ancient messages–some from almost two years ago–that I thought I’d deleted long ago. I was repelled yet strangely fascinated.

I couldn’t pull myself away until I was unable to hold my head up anymore. I decided it was probably time for bed, and on my way to my bedroom, I took a look at the clock on the stove; 4:30 a.m. Yikes.

I finally got to sleep at around 5:00 a.m., and my alarm clock went off at 7:00. Didn’t get to take a nap today, either, so I’m expecting to crash really hard any minute now.

Tonight I put together the second of the two chairs I bought to go with the new little dining table. Quite the hassle. . .at least if you’re me and clueless with tools.

This coming Thursday and Friday I’m going down to Nevada to play with Steph, so if by some chance you live in Elko, and you’re reading this, you should come see us and say hi. We’ll be playing at the college there on Thursday night. Last time we were there was last September on a tour with Dirty Martini, and it was definitely the high point of the trip. I’m already looking forward to eating at that Mexican restaurant!