beautiful, funny, sad & true

Dream #1 – The Inept, Peeing Caregiver

In this dream, I found myself in the role of a caregiver, for a middle-aged woman in a hospital room. I discover pretty quickly that I’m not up to the job, but for some reason I keep trying, and end up completely sacrificing my own needs for that of this other person. I don’t so much as go to the restroom, eat or sleep all day. Finally I decide to take a break, and so I go to the toilet in the corner of the room to urinate–for a really long time–when suddenly the nurse walks in the room. I’m embarrassed, but I’m still peeing, so I smile and give her a well-what’re-ya-gonna-do look and turn away. She does too. The person I’m caretaking walks into the room next–she’s been asleep in the other room–and I continue to pee. The toilet has disappeared by now, and I’m just peeing all over the floor. I’m barefoot, standing in a puddle about four inches deep. Completely disgusted and humiliated, I grab toilet paper and try to dab it up. Obviously it’s impossible, so I grab two paper towels, crumple them up and start dabbing. This is no good either. I think, “Maybe I should get a real towel.”

Gosh. I wonder what this dream was about.

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Dream #2 – Almost the Feel-Good Movie of the Year

Audrey Tautou and a guy are a good-looking young couple. They’re driving home from a date, smiling and laughing, and the car flips over. It continues to speed along, upside down, and both of them are trapped underneath it. We see their hands get trapped and mangled. When we see them next, the two of them are in a hospital room, and their heads are bald, bulbous and completely swollen, like that of the Elephant Man, or Mon Mothma (from Star Wars, dontcha know). They both consider suicide, but decide that they want to live, and even to keep dating, despite their deformities. There’s a shot of them making love–a blue blanket pulled completely over them–with his head bobbing up and down underneath the blanket. I predict that this movie would give The Feel-Good Movie of the Year a serious run for its money. It’s got everything; love, tragedy, human drama, but most of all, it’s a story about the triumph of the human spirit.

* * *

P.S. I can’t decide if I want the name of my autobiography to be “The Inept, Peeing Caregiver” or “Bald, Bulbous and Completely Swollen.”

Maybe you can help me decide? Thanks!

My friend Todd–who is an actor and theater director–called and told me yesterday about a series of readings he and his group have been having for a few months now. They go to a friend’s house, sit outside on the back lawn and read completely through a play. It’s not a public performance, but it’s a chance to keep up everyone’s skills and find compelling new material at the same time.

The last reading of the season is this Wednesday night, so Todd thought it would be nice to have some musical accompaniment between scenes. Apparently there are lots of short scenes, so sometimes it will only be a few seconds of music, but it sounds very exciting.

He was originally thinking of accordion, but I suggested cello, and he agreed. So on Wednesday night after work, I get the opportunity to provide incidental music for a play, which I’m very excited about.

But that’s not all; there’s more good cello news. I got a couple more gigs with Breanna Paletta today, all of which will feature the Breanna/violin/cello trio, which if you’ve spent any kind of time on my blog lately, you know how excited I am about that particular combination. I’ll keep you posted about the shows as the time gets closer. So far, there are a couple in August, a couple in September, and one in October.

Beware: this entry is a guitar equipment geek-out.

I was very excited to find one of these guitar distortion pedals on Craigslist this morning. New they go for ninety bucks, used (at a music store) they’re between sixty and seventy. This one was a mere forty, and it’s never been used.

The guy who was selling it is a total metalhead, so it’s not nearly enough distortion for him. He got it because he ‘might end up trying it’, but then he decided to use things other than pedals to get the sound he wants, so he’s never even plugged it in before. And it shows. It’s in pristine condition. I’ve been looking for a used one for months; it was worth it to wait for just the right one.

If you come see me play sometime soon, this pedal will be used for most of the solos. When you hear me switch to a louder, more distorted sound than usual, this will be it.

Here ends Guitar Geek-Out. We now return you to the witty, insightful blog that you’ve come to expect, already in progress.

Wednesday night:
My friend Shelby and I went to see DrummerAdam and BassistWayne play with Stephen Ashbrook. Did I say ‘play’? Cause I meant to say ‘tear it up.’ They all sounded incredible. You can tell they’ve been touring together, because they were rock-solid. Adam even sang harmonies, which I’ve never seen him do before.

Thursday night:
Gig with Steph and the band up in Vancouver at a nice big park downtown.

Friday night:
Went to see a Very Special Susie Blue show. I play with her normally, but Friday night’s show was a birthday party request from her friend Erika, who wanted to see Susie rock out with her old band members again, like she used to years ago. It was pretty awesome. Joan was going to come with me, but she was sick, so she had to give it a miss, unfortunately. I invited Shelby instead. Total blast.

Saturday (today):
Got up early and drove three hours to Bend, played an hour-long gig with Steph, grabbed a bit of food, then drove home. SUCH A LONG DAY. I was invited to a friend’s party, but I’m way too exhausted, so I think I’m gonna crash instead.

It’s been kinda heavy here at BFS&T lately, so I thought it would be nice to share something funny that happened at work just now.

A lady brought me her fifth file of the morning–she usually does three in an entire day–and said, “I’m on a roll today.”

I told her, “Hey, at least you’re not on a biscuit.”

I know; I’m a comic genius.