beautiful, funny, sad & true

You know those little Angel Cards? The inspirational ones with a single word on them, like “Light” or “Truth” or whatever?

My friend Leila here at work has some, and every day we pick three. Or four, if two of them are stuck together. We take that to mean that we need a little extra wisdom that day.

Today the ones I got were:

Tenderness
Surrender / Openness (two cards stuck together)
Courage

Sounds like I’ve got a big day ahead, or maybe that I have some big challenges to face. Well, I think I’m ready for ’em.

So. . .an Update on how my weekend went.

Friday:
Met Joan for dinner and a movie. We went to a cheap (but good) Mexican restaurant on Alberta, and were both feeling too agitated to stay there to eat, so we took the food home and sat in the garden to eat, since her housemate (who’s very particular about who she invites into the garden) was gone this weekend. Went for a longish walk, came back and sat on the porch and talked more, then we watched Naqoyqatsi, which was all about war and human suffering; but in a good way, somehow. You’ll have to see it. It was almost like watching a kaleidoscope for two hours. Then it was midnight, and I had to prop my eyelids up, ‘Clockwork Orange’-style, to drive home.

Saturday:
Took my car to the shop. I ended up needing a valve cover kit (or something) for the engine, and a new rear wheel hub, so it ended up being like four hundred dollars. I was kinda expecting that, though.
Then I went to get coffee, and since I found myself with a few hours to kill, I called Joan again. We met at Grand Central Bakery, then went to do some shopping at Lloyd Center, then went and got sushi. After that, we thought it would be nice to just sit in a park somewhere, so we went to Laurelhurst Park, watched dogs (and their owners) and practically fell asleep. Around 5:00 I had to leave to go meet Sydne to get to the Robert Cray show, which was amazing. I’ve liked his music for a long time, but if you get a chance to see him live, he’s really in his element. He’s a total master of his art. His guitar playing is so clean and cuts through even the loudest stuff his band was doing. He has a way of doing vibrato really slow, and he’ll play a long, slow note and do that vibrato, and it just changes the air. Amazing.
Riding the train home, and even after having such an amazing day and night, I started to feel really sad again. Joan had said earlier, “Call if you need to; any time,” so I did. She gave me a little bit of ‘tough love’, and that was what I needed.

Sunday:
Woke up and listened to “This American Life”, which was all about break-ups this week. Jeez, if when it rains it pours, then this weekend was a typhoon. I went to the store and just kinda dinked around for a while, trying to stay off the computer as much as possible. At 4:00 I met S & W and a couple other friends, and we went to see the movie “Stardust”, which I thoroughly enjoyed. It was based on a Neil Gaiman book, and it was a fairy tale about a boy becoming a man, or a man becoming his real self, and finding love, and all that. Really fun way to escape for a while. Then we went to a place called Appethaizing for dinner. (Get it? It’s a Thai restaurant! Har har. Those Thai restaurants are almost as clever as hair salons when it comes to cheesy names.) The place didn’t look like much from the outside, but the food was wonderful, so I’ll definitely be going back.
Got home and wanted to stay off the computer, so I started watching “War Games”, which Sydne loaned to me, and I hadn’t seen in about a million years. YOU know, it’s the one with Matthew Broderick, and he’s like 16 or something, and he’s a computer hacker who breaks into the National Defense system to play a simulation? Anyway. I didn’t finish it because Joan called in tears. (Remember how she’s going through the exact same thing with her ex that I’m going through with Kelly?) I’ll spare you the details, but I ended up having to return the favor and give her some tough love in return. We were on the phone for two and a half hours, and as soon as I got off the phone with her, BoringFish called. By that time it was like midnight, and I wasn’t sleepy. Or so I thought. I went in and intended to watch the rest of the movie, but fell asleep on the sofa for a while.

Today:
Feeling a bit wrung out. Not sad, exactly, but not far from it, so I’m trying to be good to myself and encourage other feelings. I’m getting my hair cut on my lunch break, because I have a big show with Stephanie tomorrow, and I want to look my best for that, for sure.

Anyway. . .that’s the latest. Please keep sending me your good thoughts; I appreciate the ones you’ve been sending me so far.

Just for fun, I thought I’d post my list of musical instruments. What would be even more ridiculous is to put them all in the room with me and take a picture of them, but I’m not sure that’s even possible. The room’s not big enough to hold all of them, and have them out at the same time. Man, do I need a studio space!

[edit: I’m in the process of editing this entry, since it didn’t translate well when I made the switch from Blogger. Stay tuned for pictures and links.]

KEYBOARDS:
Kurzweil K2500XS synthesizer – Truly the king of beasts
Roland XP-50 synthesizer
Roland JX-3P synthesizer
Ensoniq ESQ-1 synthesizer
Yamaha DX7 synthesizer
Yamaha PS-20 synthesizer – these are so rare that there’s almost no info online.
Siel MK-610 synthesizer – I’d never even seen or heard of another one, ever.
Yamaha SHS-10 ‘keytar’ synthesizer
Casio SK-1 synthesizer
Casio SA-38 synthesizer
Casio SA-35 synthesizer
Suzuki Omnichord synthesizer – Such a little treasure, and surprisingly sophisticated too!
Mattel Synsonics drum machine
Korg X5DR synth module
E-mu Proteus FX synth module
Yamaha TX7 synth module
Sharper Image electronic surf/rain sound machine
Jaymar toy piano

GUITARS, AMPS, AND EFFECTS
1961 Guild Starfire III – there’s only one Elaine in all the world!
2005 Fender American Standard Telecaster
2001 Gibson Les Paul Studio
2003 Takamine EG-334SC acoustic/electric guitar
1996 Tobias Model T 5-string bass
2007 Hofner Colorama electric guitar
1962 Magnatone Custom 460 2×12 combo amp
1965 Silvertone 1482 1×12 combo amp
1994 Fender Blues Deluxe (tweed) 1×12 combo amp
Crate GX-15R 1×8 combo amp
Smokey mini-amplifier
1989 Fender M-80 1×12 combo amp
Ibanez TS9 Tube Screamer overdrive pedal – with 808 ‘brown’ modification
Boss SD-1 Super Overdrive pedal
Electro-Harmonix Big Muff distortion pedal – one of the really old ones
Boss OS-1 overdrive/distortion pedal
Boss CS-3 compression/sustainer pedal
Line 6 DM-4 Delay Modeler
Vox U847 wah pedal
Danelectro Hash Browns phaser pedal
Ebow Plus
Ernie Ball volume pedal
ART SGX-2000 multi-effects and X-15 pedalboard

ACOUSTIC INSTRUMENTS:
Crucianelli accordion, early ’60s
Ernst Heinrich Roth cello, 1963
Tama Rockstar 5-piece drum set
various percussion instruments (shakers, claves, tambourines, etc.)
Elburn piano
autoharp
Angel mini glockenspiel
Ludwig professional glockenspiel
handmade African djembe

Earlier this week I found out that my drummer friend Adam is moving back to Yakima in about a week. Tonight’s the last night that he’ll be playing in town before then. I’ll be there.

Today I found out that my bass player friend Wayne and his wife Meg are moving to Los Angeles in January. Tonight is the last night that he and Adam (who play in the same band) will be playing in town before Adam leaves for Yakima.

It seems as though lots of people I know are shaking up their lives, and lately I’ve been feeling the need to shake my own life up again as well. I’ve done it before, when I had precious little going for me, and now I have so much.

And while we’re on the subject of all that, I found out that Steph and the band were on TV last night. Our Lake Oswego show was on the air for a full two hours. I had four people tell me they saw it, and I even got a message on MySpace from a childhood friend from Yakima–who I’ve not seen in about fifteen years–to tell me that after he retrieved his jaw from the ground, he watched the show and really enjoyed it. Amazing.

PART ONE:

Kelly’s seeing somebody else now. I found out the day before I left for Nevada. I’m not going to go into too much detail about it, but the timing of it was pretty painful. After a couple months of not seeing each other at all–but still writing a lot–she and I had started spending time together again, and enjoying being close again. After a few false starts and ups-and-downs, we were trying to figure out what our relationship was going to morph into. But it seems that she wants me completely out of her life; at least that’s what her actions are saying.

I have a good track record of remaining friends with people I’ve been in relationships with, and so does Kelly, but OUCH. I’m really reeling from all this. I do miss her and care about her a lot, even still. After ten months of being deeply involved with someone, it’s hard to make sense of everything when it comes to a complete stop. But like I wrote the other day, it helps to have a busy, fun life and great friendships to fall back on. I’ve gotten some good, straightforward advice from the people I trust. And I’ve listened.

PART TWO:

I was at work when I got Kelly’s e-mails, and I felt like I’d had the wind knocked out of me. I needed to get away from the computer for a while. I went downstairs to get some coffee and take a walk outside. One of my work friends was already in line. He was with another girl who works with us, and he introduced me to her, saying, “This is Todd. He plays in that band I told you about that we have to go see.” (He came to see Stephanie’s band the most recent time we played at Jimmy Mak’s.) They asked when our next shows were, and I said, “Well, tomorrow Steph and I are going to Elko, Nevada, actually. We’re playing at the college down there. We played there last year with Dirty Martini, and had the time of our lives. I’m really looking forward to going back.” Just then our coffee was ready, so they went back upstairs to work, and I walked over to get a ‘vest’, or whatever you call those things that you put around your cup to keep the coffee warmer longer.

There was a woman waiting in line behind me, who had overheard our conversation. She asked me, “Did you say you’re playing in Elko? I have a friend who lives there. . .” She appeared to be about my age, and she had a faint trace of an accent, possibly an Irish one. She had short brown hair, and her name was Kelly. We had a really nice conversation about the friends we both have who have somehow ended up living in places and circumstances that don’t befit their temperaments and desires, and it even seemed mildly flirtatious. What would normally have happened next is that we would meet at a mutually-agreed-upon location at some specified time in the near future, but I was not in my usual state of mind, so that didn’t even occur to me. I hope she doesn’t think I was blowing her off. She seemed like a genuinely good person to know, and those kind of people are extremely rare. And who knows? We each now know that the other exists. Maybe she even reads blogs. Let’s find out:

Kelly–who I met in the Blue Heron coffee shop in Portland, with the geologist friend in Elko, Nevada–this is Todd. If you’re out there, I enjoyed our conversation very much, and would love for us to have another one like it.

There.

What I learned from the Blue Heron experience is that I shouldn’t get too disheartened about this new development with Kelly, because there are plenty of other good people waiting in the wings. They tend to make themselves known when I’m least expecting them, but they’re out there, and they want to be with me. They will appreciate me the way I deserve to be appreciated, and treat me the way I deserve to be treated. I will do the same for them.