beautiful, funny, sad & true

Alyssa, my great friend and ‘partner in crime’ is moving tonight. She’s going to Cincinnati for an internship as part of her doctorate program, and at the same time, she and Luke are moving there together. You remember Luke; he’s the guy she met while he was living in New Zealand. It’s a great story, and you can read all about it here.

These last couple of years have been tumultuous and eventful for both of us, and we’ve really seen each other through some tough times. She’s really great, and Portland isn’t going to be the same without her.

The good news is that now I’ll have a cool new city to go explore and hang out in with my friends Alyssa and Luke. And where I once had just one friend, now I’ll have two.

But there’s certainly going to be an Alyssa-shaped hole in the universe now.

You’ll be glad to know that Two is alive and well. Got out of the hospital after a couple of days, and that’s about all I know at this point. Staying with family for the time being. Recuperating and seems to be in good spirits, but please continue to send all your good thoughts her way.

One: You doing okay?

Two: No, I just ate an entire batch of cookies.

One: I really wish you wouldn’t do that. Makes me feel sad, and sad for you.

Two: I think I may need to go to the hospital. I’m not safe. Just drank H2O2 to try to induce vomit. Not working. Don’t know what else to do.

One: What’s H2O2? Jesus. Call 911. Seriously. You’re gonna do permanent damage to yourself.

Two: Hydrogen peroxide.

One: Jesus Christ. Do you want me to take you to [Hospital Name] or something? I’m not fucking around, and I’m not gonna sit here and watch you destroy yourself.

Two: I don’t want you to see me. I’m disgusting.

One: I’d rather see you alive. Want me to e-mail your mom or aunt then?

Two: No, I don’t want them to know. I’m ashamed. I’m sorry I told you. You shouldn’t be burdened with this.

One: Obviously you don’t want them to know. But either you contact them or I will.
(30-second pause)
E-mailing your mom and aunt now.

Two: No, they’ll freak out!

One: They should! This is serious. I told you I wasn’t fucking around. It’s cause we all care about you so much.
(30-second pause)
E-mail sent. If you’d prefer, I can take you to [Hospital Name].

Two: (two minute pause) I’m going to [Hospital Name].

One: Really? Good. Maybe they’ll take you seriously this time. You going right now? I just sent another e-mail saying that you’re going there.

Two: (eight minute pause) Yes, I’m here.

One: Good for you; I’m glad you did. That’s very brave. I have my phone on if you need anything.

* * * * *

p.s. – It wasn’t easy to post this. I only did because I didn’t want to be the only one who knew about it.

After spending a great couple of days in Seattle, and having a great couple of days recording with Crystin, I just found out my checking account is overdrawn. And that was as of Friday. I still have all the outstanding transactions from this weekend floating around in the ether.

I’m going to be so completely screwed tomorrow morning by overdraft charges. Luckily pay day is Friday, but this is really gonna hurt. And my car’s registration tags expire on Thursday.

What’s that sound? Oh. . .it’s the sound of the month of May going down the toilet.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Clearly I cannot be trusted with my own endeavors.

I don’t know what it was that hit me on Monday night, but it certainly laid me out. I went to bed Monday night, and pretty much stayed there for all of yesterday (except to post that blog entry and watch a movie, but I was lying down for that).

I was too weak to hold up a book, so I listened to endless hours of NPR, with my ridiculous hat on, huddled under a full load of blankets. I slept a lot too, for three or four hours at a time. I slept really well last night too. Woke up in a pool of sweat, just in time to call in sick to work and go back to sleep until eleven. Despite having not eaten since Monday night, I still wasn’t hungry, but I was feeling extremely weak, so I decided I should eat something. Scrambled eggs and soy bacon were just the metaphorical ticket. Oh, and ‘mountain berry’ juice, made from real mountainberries! Isn’t this an exciting blog entry?

I think what it all comes down to is that I’ve had a few really big emotional blows this month; girl-related and music-career-related. It doesn’t get bigger than that. One would have been quite enough, thank you very much. Hopefully the worst is over.

Today I have the blinds up and the windows open, I’m taking a shower and putting on real clothes, and I may actually go run an errand or two. But I’m feeling sad, weak, and just plain crappy, and I could really use some good news for a change.

Luckily, there is some. I’m driving up to Seattle this weekend to see the movie Paprika at the Seattle International Film Festival. I don’t want to miss a chance to see it in the theater, even if it means going by myself. My brother lives up there, and I have a couple of friends there, too, so it should be a good weekend.

In more better news, Crystin Byrd and I are starting work on a song of hers for an upcoming movie soundtrack. We get the ending credits all to ourselves.