beautiful, funny, sad & true

Just had to share that I had the best drum recording session ever yesterday. It was for a new project that Sarah is doing before she moves to Austin. We spent hours placing the microphones, and tuning all of the drums well–sweating all the details–and it really made a huge difference. When everything sounds great, you tend to play great, and I felt confident and able to contribute some drum tracks that are interesting and appropriate to the songs. I can’t wait to be able to share the fruits of our labor with you.

I can, however, share a picture.

Today’s session is going to be the bass tracks, and possibly some keyboard tracks too.

Dream 1:

I should have written this one down the minute I woke up, because all I can remember now is the end of it:

I leave the building I’m in and walk outside, where I walk down a path made of impossibly colorful rocks that are flat on one side, but when I pick one up and turn it over for a closer investigation, I find that it’s jagged and sticks down about eighteen inches into the ground. I set it back down into the path, and walk back into the building to look for the owner so that I can buy one of these beautiful rocks, but I don’t find him, so I turn and walk back outside.

* * * * *

Dream 2:

I own an antique shop in a weathered, two-story little building with dark cedar siding in a small town on the Northern California coast. There are six or eight different businesses in the building. My shop is on one side, in the front, and there is a small bookstore on the opposite side, and there is a dark but cosy little brew pub between us, right in the middle of the building. There’s a lady who sells little touristy gifts upstairs, and there are two other symbiotic–and similarly archaic–businesses up there too. This is not a high-tech building, and we’re all proud of that.

The woman from upstairs comes down and buys a replica of a small Rodin statue from me, which she breaks not long after the she buys it. Rather than come to me directly, however, she complains bitterly and endlessly to the owner of the brew pub, who takes it upon himself to expose what he thinks are my dishonest business practices. He puts up huge signs in every one of his windows that say things disparaging my store; how all I sell is ‘junk’ and how I’m a ‘crook’, and that sort of thing. I walk over many times to talk with him, but he’s never around. I walk upstairs to talk to the woman, and she’s irate. I ask her why she didn’t just come to me first, and we could have sorted it out. She cries and yells something like, ‘How could you sell things like this’ and seems incapable of carrying on a rational discussion, so I leave.

I turn and walk around the corner by the bookstore at the far side of the building, and just then, time seems to jump forward. It’s now about twenty years later, and the building looks exactly the same, except slightly more weathered. It’s been turned into a kind of museum now, with huge interpretive signs everywhere saying this is where such-and-such happened in the feud, and this is where the brew pub or the book store or the antique shop used to be. Apparently our little disagreement over the statue turned out to be a huge event in the life of the town. It’s as if the town is trying to be another Monterey, California, with all the canneries and the Steinbeck references and the interpretive signs, except that this town isn’t Monterey, and no one has ever written about it, and therefore it comes across as what it is; a third-rate, sleepy little beach town that’s trying to attract attention in any way that it can.

As I walk around the back toward a restaurant in a new wing of the building, there is a large and colorful mural in the corner, painted directly on the wall of the building, which tells the whole story, but in a trumped-up way that is both pathetic and comic, trying to portray it as a historically significant national tragedy. I smile to myself, thinking that this town needs better things to commemorate, and that I’m so glad I moved away from it when I did.

The little restaurant is surprisingly great, though. It faces out onto a courtyard that’s in the same corner of the building as the mural, which very nicely makes the restaurant a de facto part of the tourist attraction. There’s a large, high tree in the middle of the courtyard that provides shade for the entire area, so the restaurant is in about as idyllic a setting as it can possibly be, at least for this particular place. I sit outside at a little round table under the tree with a sandwich and a glass of wine, and I look up at the afternoon sun shining through the leaves on the tree. As I finish eating, I find myself hoping that this little building does well for itself in this strange town, especially now that I don’t live there anymore and don’t have to deal with it. But I can certainly come visit any time I like, and enjoy it for what it is now, and I can also leave any time I like.

Between hanging out and playing with BT and his band last weekend, and hanging out with Maddy, Heather and Jeff–and certainly not to forget Kelly, her dad, Nancy, and Joan–at my gig last night, it’s been quite the week for reconnecting with old friends.

Went to see the movie “Walk Hard” with my friend John a couple of nights ago. We both loved it, but I think we would both say that it’s not for the faint of heart. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s sort of a send-up of a lot of rockumentaries like “Walk the Line.” The main character is based primarily on Johnny Cash, but there are plenty of other allusions too, like Brian Wilson, Ray Charles, and many others.

Tonight I have a cello gig down in Salem, and this whole weekend will be spent playing drums and electric bass for a new recording project that I’m working on.

I have to confess that the wind has been out of my sails this week where blogging is concerned. You can always tell when I post things like videos instead of writing actual entries. Not only have I been super busy this week, but I spent the afternoon and evening of Christmas Eve in an online argument–see the comments at the bottom of this entry, if you care to–and that’s why I’ve been a bit more scarce than usual.

After tonight, I have no gigs until after the New Year, which I’m very happy about. Glad to have the opportunity to just be with friends or go out instead of having to be somewhere and play.

Hopefully your week and holidays are going well!

It’s not Christmas-related or anything, I just love it. It’s “Les Feuilles Mortes” by Yves Montand. You may or may not know it as “Autumn Leaves”, but this is the original version. Enjoy!

Obviously the video is not original, but I came across a couple other great versions in my search for this song.

It’s Christmas, and I’d just like to say that I hope you’re having a joyful one.

I changed my Seattle plans after the horrendous drive home the other night. It was total grey-out road conditions, with the lights, rain and spray, and everyone was driving crazily. I decided I couldn’t do that three nights in a row.

So I’m home, and I slept until noon, which was fantastic. I had lots of interesting dreams; so many, in fact, that I can’t distinguish them from each other, or even remember anything pertinent about any of them. So, unfortunately, I won’t be able to share them.

I’m now trying to decide what to do with the rest of my day. I have a couple of people to check in with, and a few more who I thought were already gone but who have ended up with cancelled flights, so they’re home too.

It’s snowing! Yay! LoveLoveLove it. Gonna go out and grab some coffee right now, so I have an excuse to go walking in it.

As they say–or maybe as they USED to say–in Liverpool, have a merry Chrimble and a ‘gear’ new year!

I’m heading up to Seattle tonight, to spend the weekend with my brother and his family. I’m also going to bring some guitars, so I can play with my friend’s band. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in about twelve or thirteen years.

I have to work on Monday (LAME!), so I’m driving back from Seattle on Sunday, then if I feel up to it, I’m going to drive back up there after work. I also have to work on Wednesday, so I’ll be driving back on Christmas Day.

One more reason I’m sick of having a day job.

There are about a thousand more; I won’t bore you with all of them, don’t worry, but this whole week has been ridiculously exhausting and stressful. It didn’t used to be this way. I never used to dread going to work, but now I find myself doing that almost every day. I’m always cranky by about 9:30 or 10:00 in the morning, sometimes even earlier than that.

But that’s neither here nor there.

The good news is that I’m gonna have a fun weekend with my brother’s family, and I also get to reconnect and play music with an old friend. I also get to play four hours worth of songs that I’ve never played before. It’s gonna be hilarious and fun.

Time to pack up the car and get outta here.

This whole morning, one of my friends and I have been having a very deep discussion via e-mail about the trials and tribulations of relationships, and ‘connecting’ with the kind of people that we want to connect with, and all that sort of thing.

One of the main topics was about knowing how much to ‘open up’ at first. Neither of us is shy, but both of us are super-introverts, which can sometimes make social situations difficult, and sometimes even impossible. When you factor in all the ways in which people can get hurt by each other, it can make certain aspects of life very challenging.

One of my particular challenges is opening up and just speaking to people. I’m not talking about the variety with a capital S, like in a lecture or something, I’m just talking about opening my mouth and having a decent conversation with a group of people, and resisting the impulse to clam up all the time. It’s not as if I’m not thinking of things to say, but I learned at a very early age that my opinions weren’t of any value, and that feeling has been hard to shake, even to this day.

Writing–about anything–is obviously not a problem for me. The fact that you’re reading this right now is proof of that. I feel like I have a good ability to effortlessly find exactly the right tone and words for a given situation. Doesn’t matter if it’s a Relationship Discussion or my thoughts about global warming. Comic, tragic, serious, or informative, or any combination of the above, I’m perfectly capable and comfortable, and I’m able to make it all sound like my own ‘voice.’

But if you walk up to me at InexpensiveOrganicGrocery and ask me something–especially if you’re with a group of friends–I’m going to get tongue-tied, awkward and jumbled in a way I never normally get. It’s because I got shut down so much and so early–by everyone; family, friends, even a few people that I’ve dated–that sometimes I just need to shut other people out.
It’s certainly not that I’m such a great fan of being by myself, it’s just that being around too many other people keeps me on guard so much of the time, and it’s exhausting. Lots of times I do manage to leave my guard down, but it doesn’t take much to raise it back up again, and then I’m pretty much tuned out.

The good news is that things can change. It takes re-training and constant vigilance, but it can be done. And once that starts to happen, there’s no going back.

A few years ago, I was at a party with a bunch of co-workers and their friends, and after about an hour and a half, I was feeling miserable, and having a strong urge to leave. “What’s wrong with me?” I thought, fairly viciously. “Why can’t I just sit here and have a good time? Everyone else here seems to be.” Finally it dawned on me; I wasn’t having a good time because they were horrible people, and not people that I wanted to be around. My thought turned out to be correct; they only seemed to be having a good time. Once I realized all of those things, I left, and didn’t go out with that particular group again.

I have people in my life now who I completely trust. I have some that I’m trying with, but the jury’s still kinda out. I’ve had to let some people fall along the wayside. I’m working on it. Sometimes it takes time to know what the right thing to do is. All I know is that I want to have a happy and successful life, surrounded by people who I respect and care about, and who respect and care about me too.

But sometimes I have doubts and setbacks. I’ve been feeling a lot of them lately.

If you ask me about them, and if I can tell that you’re genuinely interested, I’ll be glad to share them with you. I may trip over my tongue, or not know what to say. I might not even know what I really think until I’ve had some time to process everything. I may not be as eloquent or lucid as I would like to be, either, but I want you to know that I’m trying.

My feelings and opinions ARE valuable, and I have things to say.

This is a roundabout way of saying that all of this is my New Year’s Resolution. To take myself seriously, but not be so hard on myself at the same time. To open up and not shut down so easily. To have a happy and successful life.

Today is the one-year anniversary of BFS&T. Actually, to be more accurate, it’s the one-year anniversary of this incarnation of it, because I’ve had a MySpace blog of the same name for two and a half years longer than that. I still use it for a few things, but this one has definitely taken over and become the main one.

Lots has happened in the last year. I learned how to take much better pictures, for one thing. This year’s ‘best pictures of the year’ entry will be quite a step up from last year’s.

This year’s musical accomplishments have been a step up, too. The Young Immortals–whose CD I produced and played on–have had a song picked up by WorldFamousCoffeeCompany, and radio play all over the country. There are even some radio stations in France and Ireland who love and play TYI. There are teenage girls who make videos of themselves singing TYI songs and posting them on WebSiteThat’sLikeTV. This past spring, summer and fall, I made enough money at music-related endeavors that I could have quite easily lived without my day job. Too bad about the whole winter season, though. There’s always a huge drop-off then, and I’m still trying to figure out how to make things happen in that time.

Cello-ness has been steadily improving as well. This year has seen the cello become one of the primary instruments I’ve been called to play, both live and on various recordings. That has caused a certain amount of anxiety for me, since some of my friends are among the best cellists in this town, but I’m also not stupid enough to turn down great opportunities that come my way, either. If it’s something I can play, I play it, and I appreciate every gradual step up.

Romantic relationships continue to be a bit troublesome for me. The one this past year was one of the ones that really changed both of our lives, though, so I suppose I shouldn’t complain too much. As one of my friends likes to say, “You’re just making room for the one that’s the right one.”

Overall, I’d say that things are going really well. Goals? Yes, I have a few. Keep improving myself as a person and as a musician, take more ‘chances’ in my life, TRAVEL MORE, reach out more and be a better friend, take my music career to the next level (and figure out what I want that next level to be), and also to take better care of myself.

Oh yes. . .and of course, to keep blogging steadily. I expect you to help keep me accountable in these endeavors.

Here’s to the next year!