beautiful, funny, sad & true

FINALLY, some good news on the work front; I’m being reassigned.

Every day for the last four months, I’ve felt as if I were back in grade school.

It’s been proven that if a child isn’t challenged enough, and is consistently given tasks that are too easy for him to do, and he has difficulty completing them, it can look (from an outside observer’s standpoint) as if the child is “delayed”, not being able to handle even those simple tasks. He may be passed over for advanced programs, and indeed have to suffer countless remedial training programs instead, often feeling as if there’s something wrong with him for not being able to handle these tasks. This may go on for months or years, until such time as either the child or the teachers realize the mistake, if it is ever realized.

Assuming that it IS realized, the child will thrive and continue to grow and learn exponentially. Assuming that it is not, the child is in for a life of drudgery. This is what I’ve felt like at work for the last four months: a delayed child.

Wow, that was a little too cathartic. And this was supposed to be a celebratory entry.

Well, truth be told, even if it’s just for a few more days, the situation I’m in is the same, so I still feel just as squeezed. Constantly going through long lists of bizarre and arcane minutiae, constantly flipping between five or sometimes even six computer programs at the same time, constantly being pressed to work faster and “focus” by my supervisor (who has me keep track of all my time and activities throughout the day). . .it’s just fucking endless. Or at least it WAS, until last Monday at 4:00.

Starting this coming Monday, I’ll be starting in a new position. I’m thrilled; I’m at the point where I almost don’t care what it is, just as long as it’s not THIS one.

My horoscope today. . .

“For the next few days, it may seem as if you can do no wrong in the eyes of the people around you–quite a change from earlier this week!”

For the record, I put zero stock in astrology, but I have to admit that sometimes it seems uncannily accurate. I mean. . .LET’S HOPE. Cause nothing’s happened yet. But I mean, ‘fingers crossed’ and all that. Work this week has been terrible and stressful. I’ve come home tied in knots every single night. Even music-related stuff has been kinda stressful, or at least frustrating.

I’m reallyreally hoping that the horoscope is as accurate as some have been. My favorite one of all time was in 1998–after three years of not owning a car–the day I got my Toyota truck:
“You are no longer a prisoner of inertia.”

Either way, I don’t really care so much about ‘the eyes of the people around me’, but here’s hoping the end of this week is better than the beginning was.

Today was a day to hold myself to my New Year’s resolution. Not the ‘find a studio space’ part, but the ‘take care of things more’ part. I went to the store this morning and bought a few things that will make it easier for me to keep my car clean. Incidentally, I also washed my car–IN THE RAIN–this morning. As soon as I was done, the rain stopped, so I cleaned the inside. I did everything except vacuum it, because I need a really super long extension cord, and I couldn’t find one.

I also bought a bunch of ‘staple’ food, like different types of beans, beets, olives, peppers, cheeses, and tortillas so I can cook and eat at home more. I have a nice kitchen now, and I have to get into the habit of using it. If I can have most of the makings of a really good salad, stir fry or burrito here, I’ll be way ahead of the curve.

After I was done with the car, I came in and cleaned the bathroom, and I even scrubbed the floor in there. Oh yeah. . .since you saw the picture of my loaded-up car the other day, you probably noticed the rug in the back. Well, it’s actually on the floor now. AND my little surround-sound speakers are plugged in again; they’re behind the sofa. Speaking of the sofa, I want to go to Pier 1 or somewhere and find some big pillows for it, now that I have the rug down.

These are all things I’ve been wanting to do for months, and my new ‘m.o.’ for this year is to do more things I’ve been wanting to do–just because it give me a sense of accomplishment to be able to do them–and take care of things that need to be taken care of. Like old debts from about three years ago, when I was living hand-to-mouth and couldn’t afford to do ANYTHING. You may remember that time. Here’s an example:
YOU: Hey, Todd, want to go see a movie? It’s at Laurelhurst. [Movies are $3 there.]
ME: Oh, I WANT to. . .but I’ve already been to a movie this month, so I’d better not.

Or this:
YOU: Hey, Todd, my friends and I are going out to dinner, want to come?
ME: Maybe. Where are you guys going?
YOU: I dunno, how ’bout [insert the name of any restaurant here]?
ME: Jeez, I wish I could. I can’t really afford it though, and besides, I just went and bought a bunch of those ten-for-a-dollar things of ramen, so I’d better eat that. I have green onions and pea pods on it this time, so it’s practically frickin’ gourmet!

Anyway. . .some of that old stuff has started to catch up with me, so I need to take care of it.

Here’s to the year of taking care of Mister T!

For those of you who live elsewhere, Portland got hit with about 4 or 5 inches of snow overnight. This was a big surprise to those of us who’d been driving around last night, and it was clear.

So this morning, I get to work (don’t even ask how work was today), pull my phone out of my bag, to find a voice mail from Kelly, who’s stranded at work. When she left this morning, they were planning to be open, but at about 7:45 (when she was already on her way) they decided to close because the roads were getting bad. She actually had to park her car and hike up the steep couple of streets to her work to get there. The roads are starting to ice up, and she asked if I could come get her and take her home. I told my supervisor and headed home to put chains on my car and head out.

The short version of the story is that I’m 36 years old, and I’ve never had to put chains on a car before. It wasn’t pretty. I felt like the biggest retard since Retarded Jack McRetardson, back in 1687. I spent more than half an hour looking at little diagrams that didn’t make sense, reading things that didn’t make sense, trying and failing repeatedly, and feeling completely humiliated. So I go to call poor Kelly. By this time, she’s left another voicemail saying that her dad has an appointment at 10 something, she has a lunch packed, and she’s not going to freeze or die. So if I can’t do it, she can call her dad. Problem is, he has to come from Brush Prarie, but at least he’s got a 4-wheel drive truck, and he knows what to do with chains.

So I call her back and tell her I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it, and can she call her dad after all, because I can’t figure out how get the chains on. She agrees, but she sounds bummed, and obviously I’m super-bummed cause I feel like an idiot.

So I stay home for a bit longer, try to warm up and be less disappointed in myself, and then I head back to work. After a little while, I call Kelly to make sure she’s home and safe, and she is, so that’s a huge relief. Two hours later, my work sends us all home because the weather is now well below freezing, and the roads are getting really nasty. After walking home from work for the second time, I’m pretty tired, but I think of poor Kelly sitting there at work, and that’s all the motivation I need. It’s unacceptable for me not to know how to put chains on a car.
So I’ve just spent the last hour doing that. I’m freezing, wet, dirty, bleeding, and I still feel like a super-idiot, but at least I have effing chains on my car now.

Oh, by the way. There’s a Stephanie Schneiderman show tonight at Mississippi Studios. It’ll be really cool, if the show’s not cancelled. . .we’re opening for a French guy. I’m sure it’s gonna be cancelled, though.

Le Sigh.

Last night I had a dream in which I was at some sort of fundraiser function in the basement of a church or school. My friends and I were putting this thing on, and the people who were at this event kept expecting us to make these special cookies. We were frantically trying to wash all the dishes that were piled up all over the room, so we’d have room to cook, and people were starting to get restless and angry. I went looking around for a recipe, and I finally found one on the bottom of a cereal box (which seems perfectly logical, right?)

Somebody came up and asked me how soon the cookies would be ready, so I gestured toward the long tables full of dishes and said, “Well, you can see what we’re dealing with here. . .”

Then I woke up.

I didn’t want to, however, because the bed was so o o o comfortable. It was especially cold in Oregon last night, so we threw the nice, soft blue blanket on top of the bed, and slept like. . .uhh. . .two people. . .who. . .slept well.