national corndog day

funny, pictures, true No Comments »

Did you know that today is National Corndog Day?  Well, now you do.

What IS National Corndog Day?  Well, according to their web site, it’s the “happiest day of basketball and meats on sticks that you’ll ever have.”

How does one celebrate NCD?

  1. Attend an established National Corndog Day celebration. Check out the party list to find the closest public NCD celebration near you.
  2. Host your own NCD celebration. Hosting a NCD celebration of your own is easy! You just need the following:
    • Friends
    • TV with cable or satellite
    • An oven or microwave
    • One or more couches, lazyboys, beanbags, or other comfortable seating
    • A bunch of corndogs (Foster Farms recommended)
    • A bunch of tater tots
    • A bunch of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer (in a can) and/or Jones Soda
    • Plain yellow mustard and ketchup
    • NCD 2009 tally sheet – to keep tabs on your participant’s stats

To me, this sounds like an excuse for everyone to eat like the Dynamite family (Napoleon, Kip, Uncle Rico, et al), but if you decide to participate in NCD, feel free to post a link and tell the world about it.

ncd_poster09preview

do you speak english?

funny, pictures 1 Comment »

sickness, dreams, and slainte!

blogging, dreams, music 1 Comment »

After three parties, two rehearsals, and two recording sessions, I caught a nasty cold this weekend, just in time for another crazy week of three gigs, each of which is important enough that I can’t even think about thinking about missing one.  The good news is that I don’t have to worry about working or anything, because every day’s a sick day when you’re unemployed.

One thing about being sick is that I’ve spent much more time in bed than usual, which has provided the opportunity for many more dreams than usual too.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn this into an all-dreams-all-the-time blog, but they’ve been unusually long and detailed.  The one in the previous entry (the one with the ‘coherent narrative’) has actually been the shortest of the three.  Last night’s involved a meeting and long conversation with my girlfriend from college, who I haven’t talked to since right after I moved to Portland, and who doesn’t seem to be on any of the usual social networking sites, either.   I’d actually really love to see how she’s been doing.  I’ve looked her up from time to time, so far to no avail.

The night before last, I dreamt that I was in this building full of not-quite-humans (something was different about their eyes, and some of the ‘people’ were very reptilian-looking) who kept trying to assimilate me and entrap me in their building forever.  I kept trying to escape, and they kept catching me and bringing me back.  They even created a ‘perfect’ girl for me, in the hopes of seducing me into their group, but they spent all their time on her face and her legs, and left the rest of her body slightly unfinished, which. . .let’s just say, didn’t have the desired effect that they had hoped for.  Once, I actually escaped and saw a friend of mine outside the grounds (C, my filmmaker friend who lives in SaintFrancisCity), but realized that I’d forgotten both my shoes and my pants, so I told him I’d just go back in and grab them and that I’d be right back.  Naturally, however, they caught me again.   At one point, they realized that I play guitar, which gave them the idea to create a big stage and a band, whereby I could teach lessons and put on rock shows to my heart’s content, but I said, “That’s nice, but I’m probably just going to try and leave again anyway.”

Very strange dream, and I woke up and then went back into it at least fifteen or twenty times, which is also extremely rare.

I think that may be enough dream talk for now, quite frankly.  I only write out and share the ones that I think make compelling enough reading, and these two were far too long and detailed to do that.  The previous one ended up being almost three thousand words, and I realize that’s an awful lot to ask y’all to read.  Dream-sharing in blogs is not always the most entertaining thing for readers, either, so I try to be judicious about doing that.

Moving on.

Today is St. Patrick’s Day, and despite being sick and feeling hellish, I’m playing (and singing; I sing backup, which means lots of high harmonies) tonight with IrishBand until two o’clock in the morning, then packing up and driving at least one other person home, so it’ll probably be like three before I get home myself.

Hope you have a great St. P’s Day.  If you have a shot of Irish whiskey for me, I’ll have a shot of TheraFlu for you in return.

a very coherent narrative

dreams 1 Comment »

This morning, I had an extremely long and detailed dream, but it’s got a great story to it, so I promise you it’ll be worth your while to stick with it and read it all the way through to the end.

* * * * *

I’m riding in a yellow pickup with my high school friend K.  We’re driving through the parking lot of a strip mall, near DepotForHomes and a sporting goods/outdoor equipment store.  Somehow I’m sitting on the left side of K, while he’s driving, all scrunched up against the steering wheel.  We pass a restaurant, and I see a cute young woman walking on the sidewalk, wearing the restaurant’s uniform.  “Hey,” I tell K, “it’s my favorite waitress!”  A huge police car zooms past us on the left, loaded full of about eight male and female trainees in uniforms.  I say to K, “What do you say we switch and sit on the correct sides?”  I watch the police car turn around the corner, the trainees not paying us the slightest bit of attention.

K asks, “So we can wear our seat belts?”

“Yup.  Drive really super slow for a sec.”  I slide over to the passenger side, and just as I do, a guy jumps into the truck with us, points a shiny silver revolver at me and barks at K to drive.  Suddenly, mayhem ensues, and a few things happen almost simultaneously.

Two cars crash into each other, and the drivers get out to yell at each other and survey the damage.

Two other guys are loading a large, oak shop table and two enormous toolboxes into the back of their ancient blue Chevrolet pickup.  There is a canopy on the back of the truck, and the guys have the little screen door open, but the table is obviously much too large to fit through the tiny door, and probably won’t fit in the truck at all.  The guys start to argue with each other,  even coming to blows.  One goes over to grab a toolbox, but it’s too heavy for him, so he drops it, sending tools and little ratchets rolling every which way across the parking lot.  He curses and runs back over to his friend, throwing punches and yelling at the top of his lungs.

The formerly blue sky turns extremely hazy, with large brown clouds of smoke billowing from what appears to be a burning building somewhere nearby, but I’m unable to see the source of the smoke.  There is enough happening that I decide to look into that later.

The three of us in K’s truck are stunned by all this activity.  Police cars begin to arrive, and K and I seize the opportunity to jump out of the truck and run.  The gunman points his revolver at me and pulls the trigger, but it clicks harmlessly.  I grab it from his hand, push him out the passenger’s door and slide out the driver’s door, in order to make a mad dash for the sporting goods store and get out of this mayhem.  I see the gun lying on the ground in the parking lot, shining in what’s left of the sunlight.  I pick it up because I feel that at least if I have it, that’s a much safer option than if one of these maniacs in the parking lot has it.  I walk quickly with it in my hand for about ten seconds before I realize that I don’t even want it, and I probably shouldn’t have even touched it in the first place, because now my fingerprints will be on it.  I drop it on the sidewalk and go around the corner of the building to the entrance of the sporting goods store.

As soon as I’m through the sliding glass door and inside the store, I have a small breakdown.  I walk past the checkout lines, rubbing my eyes and trying not to cry.  A woman customer I pass says, “Sir?  Sir?”  I ignore her and keep walking toward the back of the store, toward the bicycles.  I turn into an aisle and there is a heavyset man in his fifties sitting on the floor, legs splayed out in front of him, playing with a toy of some sort from the shelf.  I put my head in my hands and take a deep breath to get myself together, than turn and walk back out through the store.  My cell phone is missing, but I still have my cards and ID and about twenty-five dollars in cash.

* * * * *

This is the point where the dream takes some weird turns, and sort of refers back to a dream I had earlier this week, in which my Honda was being repaired, so I had a clunky old American car to drive, which I couldn’t even see out of because of the way the windshield was designed.  It was almost like the window in a tank.  I narrowly avoided being in about ten different accidents, got lost in a run-down part of town, and I misplaced my phone and ID, so I spent the night in an all-night diner befriending a young waitress [Remember when I said to K, 'Hey, that's my favorite waitress'?  Well, she's the one I was referring to.] and a homeless couple, who were very sweet and took it upon themselves to look after me, inviting me to stay with them in their shelter.  They were under the impression, for some reason, that I was of South Asian descent.  Of course, right?  I dunno; it was a dream.  Speaking of dreams, it’s time to go back to the current one; there’s plenty more to come.  Hang in there.

* * * * *

I walk outside the store and discover that it’s now about two hours later than it was before, and the sun is beginning to set.   The people have left the parking lot, and there are only a few cars left, including the Chevy truck with the canopy.  The screen door is now broken and hanging at an angle from one of the hinges, as a result of the fight between the two guys.  There are tools and broken glass all over the ground by the back of the truck.  K’s truck is nowhere to be seen, and neither is the gun.  I’m looking everywhere for my phone, cursing the fact that I can’t remember anyone’s phone numbers anymore, even those of my closest friends, because of the way phones are automated these days.  I’m trying to recall even one number I can call, but I am unable.

I walk back toward the store, and the homeless couple are coming out.  “Hey,” the woman tells the man, “it’s that nice Indian guy from jail.”  I tell them that it’s really good to see them, but I decide not to correct them about the jail thing, or the Indian thing.  “Is everything okay?” she asks me.

I tell her the abridged version of what happened, and they take me back to an old two-story apartment building that they and a few other people appear to be squatting in.  They show me the upstairs, and I recognize two of the rooms.  I tell them, “I think a couple of my friends used to live here.”  I look around a bit, then walk back downstairs to an empty bed I’d seen in the foyer next to the door when we first came in.  I’m suddenly extremely sleepy, and lie down on my side, facing the door.  There is some sort of construction work going on in the foyer, with two or three workmen bringing materials and tools in and out, making it very difficult for me to get any rest.  One of them sees me and starts to taunt me.  He looks directly at me as he pulls down a flag from the wall.  He makes a snide comment about it, trying to elicit a reaction from me, but I just say, “I don’t know what that is either, to tell you the truth.”  He makes a couple more goading remarks to me, but I calmly reply to each of them.  My voice sounds strange to my ears, and I have a slight tinge of an accent, which changes with every sentence.  It morphs from Southern into English into Australian.  The guy walks outside, and as he does, two young women who are friends of my waitress friend come in.  I sit up on the bed, and when they see me, their faces instantly light up.  Smiling, they walk right over, plopping themselves down on the bed with me, and sort of over me too.  It’s hard to explain.  I put an arm around each of them.  One is shorter and slightly better looking than the other, and we’ve always had this amazing chemistry between us.  The three of us hug and start talking quickly and excitedly, asking how the others are, and how the waitress is.  The girl I have chemistry with takes my hand and kisses my fingertips.  I reach over and put my hand on the front and side of her neck, then kiss her head through her hair.   She sighs, takes a deep inhale of breath and says, “I could stay here like this all day.”

“Well, you know how I feel about that,” I tell her.  “I’m all for it.”

Suddenly there’s an older, very heavyset woman with a missing hand who appears next to me, pushing a box of flowers in my face, trying to get me to buy some.  “They’re only $18.50 a piece,” she says, flashing a grin with many missing teeth.

“I wish I could help,” I say, “but I’m in the same situation that you are.”  I think but don’t say aloud, at least you have flowers you can sell. I turn back to the two young women, who are starting to get up, so I remove my arms from around them.  They stand up and we say our goodbyes, just as my homeless woman friend comes in the door.  She asks me if I need anything, and slips a five-dollar bill into my hand around the thermal coffee cup I’m holding.  I put it back into her hand and say, “No, really, I’m okay.  I’m missing my phone, but I do have cash.  Besides, you need that money.”  She says something else and says she has a place she wants to take me.  I raise my coffee cup to find the five-dollar bill that she had surreptitiously stuffed underneath, so I smile to myself and decide to just shut up and keep the money.  I stand up and we go to meet her guy at the strip mall where we’d already been.

They take me to a door, which opens onto a stairway.  A wizened old woman is sitting a few steps up, which puts her at our eye level, and she says, “That’ll be three dollars, please.”  The homeless couple starts to walk up the stairs, and I look up to see that there is a door at the top, which is open, and inside there appears to be a tiny bar.

From the bottom of the stairs, I call up to my friends, “Are you sure?  We don’t really need this.”  I’m trying not to reveal too much about our situation in front of the old woman, who is peering intently at each of us in turn.  The homeless woman says, “It’s okay; I’ll pay for you.”  I walk up the stairs and go through the door.  Inside is the smallest bar I’ve ever seen, and all of the walls are pure white, with no pictures or signs or anything.  The room is about eight feet deep and thirty feet wide, and the bar runs the entire width of the room.  The establishment’s name, ‘The Red Room,’ is painted onto the mirror behind the bar.   I think to myself, Why is this place called the Red Room, when it’s all painted white? I start to ask my friends about this, when a door opens on the right side of the room.  It appears to be a ‘green room’, where bands hang out and relax when they aren’t playing.   I wonder where a band would even set up in this miniscule bar, and suddenly realize that IrishBand is scheduled to play here in a few weeks, and that I should talk to the manager about that.  I look into the green room and laugh to myself as I think, Wow, a green room in the tiny, white Red Room.

We decide to go back to our apartment building, and they go their own way.  I decide to walk around outside for a while and explore the grounds.  I go to the side yard to look at the plants and flowers, and just as I come back around toward the front of the building, someone on the balcony of the building next door sees me and calls out to a person I can’t see.  “That’s him; the perp.”  I step back into the side of the yard, and then come back around to the front nonchalantly, as if I hadn’t heard anything.  “There he is again,” the man says, and I look over at him as I walk up the front steps and into the building.  An older man in his seventies is in the foyer, looking at me from under the brim of a weathered baseball hat.  I set my jacket down on the bed and sit down.  “This place yours?” the man asks me.

“For now, I suppose.”  I reply.

He pulls out a walkie-talkie and speaks into it as he walks out the door.  “Yeah, all his stuff seems to be here.”  Suddenly the place is crawling with young cops, all men, who are joking and high-fiving each other nervously.  They seem to be the same trainees who were in the car that passed K and me while we were in the parking lot at the strip mall.  They all start to ask me things at once, and one of them pulls the silver revolver out of his pocket to show me.  “Why’d you drop your gun?” he asked.  “What the hell were you trying to do?  Did you think you could get away with it?”

I’m getting annoyed with all of this, so I say, “Y’know what?  You guys obviously have lots of questions, and I’ll be happy to answer them all, but let me just tell you my story first.  That should clear everything up for you.”

One of the others asks me, “You mean about the double killing and the fire?”

“I don’t know anything about that,” I say, and start to tell them everything, about the gunman and the billowing smoke, and the fact that I don’t even like guns, and I should never have picked it up in the first place, but that it was safer in my possession than anyone else’s, or so I thought.  I also tell them about the two guys fighting over the tools, and how they had a “drafting table of some sort”, which the main interrogator suddenly reaches around and produces.  He unfolds it and sets it up next to us.  “That’s the one,” I say.  The police had brought it in with them, but hadn’t mentioned it or the tools.  This lends credence to my story, and I can see that they are starting to be swayed.  Then I tell them about the homeless couple and how they’d been looking after me since I’d lost my phone and had nowhere to go.

The interrogator tells me with an exasperated tone in his voice, “We’ve been trying to call you for the last two days straight.”

“I’m sure you have,” I say, “but now you know why I didn’t answer.”  I tell them about the tiny white Red Room with the huge green room in it, and they all chuckle a little.  I decide not to tell them about the two girls or the waitress.  No sense getting them involved unnecessarily.

A female plainclothes officer comes forward, smiles ever so slightly and says, “Your story has a very coherent narrative.”

“Thank you.”  I smile ever so slightly back at her, and continue the final part of the story.  “I intended to go investigate the source of the smoke, but obviously I haven’t had a chance to get back there yet.  Do any of you know what happened?”

“It’s out,” a couple of them answer.  “That’s all we know.”

I start to pack up my few belongings, jacket, sweater, hat, and phone.  Somehow I have a small duffel bag filled with a complete change of clothes, which must have been another gift from my homeless friends.  “So that’s it?  Are we all good to go now?”  I look around from person to person.  “Oh yeah.  Can I catch a ride back with somebody?”

The interrogator says, “Sure thing, but she wants pizza.”

I sit down on the bed again, completely exhausted.  “I don’t care who ‘she’ is, I just want to go to sleep.”

* * * * *

There, you see?  Well worth your time to read it all, no?  FYI, it has taken me over an hour and a half to write this entire thing out.  2900 words.

You’re welcome.

unemployment SCHMUNemployment

Oregon, Portland, blogging, music, recording, true 1 Comment »

Well, it finally happened; I and at least ten other people got laid off on Friday.

It wasn’t at all a surprise.  There have been many rounds of layoffs over the last six months, so we lasted quite a bit longer than most.  Two or three months ago, the company was taken over by another, and the new company seems to have decided to simply dismantle much of the original, and send the work elsewhere in the country, leaving us high and dry in the process.

I’m not bummed about this at all.  If anything, it’s a relief not to have to wonder what’s going to happen anymore, and I can put it all behind me and move on toward the future now.  I’m going to go on unemployment, like so many others are right now, and sort out my life while I figure what to do next.  I have a fairly simple and ‘low overhead’ lifestyle, and I also have friends, resources and talents that I haven’t had before.  I also know that it’s possible to survive on extremely meager means–I’ve certainly done that before–so that won’t slow me down much.  I’m not being a Pollyanna about it, either.  I think any of my friends could tell you that I’m good at assessing situations, and that I’m nothing if not a realist.  I think the glass is neither half-empty nor half-full, but that it’s twice as big as it needs to be.

I know; I’m clever.

I’m going to reach out and promote myself more for musical work.  I’m going to ask my friends and colleagues to refer me for producing, recording, mixing, et cetera, and I’ll also be available for playing with more people too.  I’m looking forward to all of this.

Keep your fingers crossed for me, and send me good thoughts throughout this transitional time, and don’t hesitate to ask me about musical endeavors, or refer me to people you think would appreciate my talents.

Thanks!

This whole getting-laid-off thing is going to be a blessing, I can just feel it.

p.s. – Now I’ll have much more time for blogging!