“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction.”

–Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, “Wind, Sand, and Stars”

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday, and I called her last night.  We talked for a while, and one of the things she mentioned is that she occasionally checks in on my blog to ‘see how things are going.’  My mom reads my blog, and she’s apparently been doing it for some time now.

Great.

With all those posts I’ve written about Satan and feces and third grade memories, not to mention all the copious amounts of premarital sex weird dreams and my judicious but regular smattering of naughty words, she probably thinks that her real baby son must have somehow been swapped in the hospital for this devil’s spawn.

But the most egregious thing of all (for her, anyway) has to be my non-stop trash-talking about Yakima, which is decidedly well-deserved, but she can’t stomach it.  I have a kinda funny story about that, actually, which involves my niece’s favorite TV show, which we all couldn’t help but watch with her while we were at the beach a few weeks ago.

It’s a national show, which you probably haven’t seen, let alone enjoyed, if you’re over the age of ten.  It’s about PrecociousTeenageGirl, and it’s set in Seattle, where Niece lives.  The grandparents on the show even live in Yakima, where one set of Niece’s grandparents live.  The hijinks ensued in one episode when it looked as if PTG was going to be sent to live with her grandparents.  She didn’t want to go, and she kept making all these lame jokes about Yakima and how bad it is (“oh, the sweet smell of Yakima”, et cetera).  I kept waiting for them to actually take her there, and have some scenes set in the town, which I’m sure they would have filmed in Salinas, California instead, anyway.  It has the exact same feel and look as Yakima, except for the fact that Salinas has the brilliant John Steinbeck rooting for it.  Raymond Carver and I are Yakima’s vox populi spokespeople, and we have nothing good to say about the place.

But that’s neither here nor there.

I found that episode surreal and hilarious.  No wonder it’s Niece’s favorite show; the writers practically frickin’ wrote it for her, and set it in the two places she knows best in the world.  I couldn’t stop cracking up at the irony of the situation, so between my incredulous laughter and the show’s cloying laugh track in response to every generic joke, my mom got angry and had to go upstairs to get away from it all.

I couldn’t tear myself away from the stupid show, and I actually watched the thing in its entirety. You’ll be glad to know that PTG did not, in fact, get sent to live in Yakima, because GenXGuardian (her older brother?) came through in the end to prove that despite his slacker appearance, he really was quite the responsible young gentleman when it came to raising her.  Awww.  Wipe my tears and cue the organist.

I suppose I don’t have a real reason to feel weird about my mom reading all this.  She knows (pretty much) what I’m like, this is all real stuff, and I feel like it’s a good representation of me, slightly-glossed-over warts and all.

But it still does feel weird.  I’m sure you understand.

Yesterday, I decided that since I had a day entirely to myself, I would continue some of the photography experiments I had been working on the other day at work, when we had run out of things to do.  I’ve been wanting to redesign the look of this blog, you know, and I have a very specific image in mind for the header.  I went to Mt. Tabor Park and took about a million pictures like this:

I don’t know how long I spent doing that, but I took about a hundred million pictures.  My original idea was to be on the side of the hill that faces the city, and use that as the background, but that’s the windy side of the hill, so I wasn’t having much luck, as you can tell from the middle picture.  If I faced the city, the paper curled back toward me every time.  I think I’m going to have to go in the morning to get the right kind of light for that particular shot.  So I had to give up on that idea for now, so I walked to the forested top of the hill and used that as the majority of the backgrounds.  I walked around everywhere, holding a tiny scrap of paper in front of my camera, checking it against the ever-changing background, and snapping shots as I went.  It was surprisingly fun.  A couple of sneaky snoopers walked over, ostensibly to look at a plaque on the ground, but really it was to take a peek at what I was doing.  They surreptitiously poked their heads over to read my little paper scraps that were clipped to the back of my cell phone to save them from the wind.  It was very funny to watch them do that and not attract my attention.

Now I just need to learn how to edit the header image on WordPress blogs, and to find a new layout that I like as much as this one.  I was immediately drawn to this blue-and-black one because it’s beautiful, but it’s also unusual.  It took a lot of scrounging around to find one that didn’t look generic, you know?  So now I have to find a new one that I’m drawn to in that same way.  Then I have to try and put it all together with one of these images, and hope that the idea even works in the way that I imagine that it will.

Today I’m not going to worry about it, though, because I’m going to buy (with a little help from IrishBand) a newer recording interface and software, which means I can mix songs at home again.  For money.  Yay!  I will also have a portable system that I can take to other locations as well.

These are a few of the things that are very exciting right now.

This morning, after trying valiantly to go back to sleep, I actually managed to succeed on two occasions.  Both occasions were entirely too short, but they were long enough to have two short dreams.

The first involved two large, flappy, annoying insects that were flying around underneath the covers of my bed.  They flew very close to my face, which startled me and made me throw back the covers in alarm.  Once free, they increased dramatically in size and flew around the room.  They flew next to my head again, and this time it woke me up.

I went right back to sleep, and had the second dream, which involved the girl I met the other night.  She, one of her guy friends (not the one I met) and I were planning a trip to BigCityNamedTwice.  She’s been there before, but I haven’t, and I told her that I have a couple of friends who live there, one of which we might even be able to stay with.

Meet the new me, same as the old me.

I’ve been feeling really good these last few days.  I feel excited and driven, and I feel lots of momentum pulling in good directions again.  Recently, I’ve felt like I’ve been just spinning my wheels lately, not doing some of the things that I should have been doing for a while now.

I have no doubt that part of the reason for these good feeling is that I’ve been riding my bike to and from work for a month or two now.  I’ve dropped about ten pounds in that time, and lost some of the schlubbiness (Did I just make up that word?) that I’d been carrying around for the last year.  The exercise has also started to improve my mood.  I feel much more outgoing and spontaneous again.  I’m even starting to feel slightly attractive and romantic again, after taking myself off of the market when my friend had her ‘incident’ a few months ago.  See, the woman I was kind of dating at the time had her own ideas about why my friend did what she did.  She was convinced that my friend was in secretly in love with me, and that her attempt was a way to reel me back in again.  She also had the idea that my friend saw her as a ‘threat’, and that I should think of my friend ‘more romantically.’  It was horrible.  I never talked to her again.

So I’ve spent the intervening months not dating, and not even trying to meet anyone either.  I had such a bad taste in my mouth from that last person, and I was so traumatized by what my friend had done that I just wasn’t up to any kind of reaching out.  I was pretty much operating on auto-pilot until I went on tour with Breanna and Justin at the end of June.  That was the jump-start I needed to get my life back on track again; to get away from all of the craziness and get out of town for a while.

Two months later, I think I’m back.  Finally.

The other night at the gig with IrishBand, I met a new person that I’m very interested in seeing more of.  She came to the show with a guy, and since I assume that every cute girl who arrives with a guy is WITH that guy, I didn’t try too hard to ‘chat her up’ when they sat at our table, but we had a great time talking for a while, before the band had to get up and play.  At the end of the night, she gave me the nicest hug ever.  I’m a hug fan, and it’s hard to find people who are good huggers, so when I meet someone who does it right, I always think, ‘This is my kind of person.’  I have a feeling I’ll be writing more about her before too long.  Too soon to know what will happen.  I don’t even know what her situation is, either, but I’m just excited to find out.

I feel particularly good about it because I’m so open right now.  It’s the perfect time to meet someone new, and just at the moment when I’ve been feeling that, here comes someone, as if by magic.

Keep your fingers crossed.