beautiful, funny, sad & true

This week has been a bit much.

Friday night was the marathon night; straight from work to Ratatouille, then to the Gypsy bar, then to the Flaming Lips listening party, then to the double-shot of gay bars.

Saturday was a big show–the second week of the Voices For Silent Disasters series–at the Mission Theater with both Susie (I played accordion) and Breanna (I played piano, believe it or not). Very fun.

Sunday was dinner with John, where the waiter thought we were a couple and told us to “keep taking care of each other.”

Monday was a well-deserved Crash and Do Laundry Day.

Tuesday was SarahC Night, which originally meant that she and I were going to see the movie “Darjeeling Limited”, but the theater didn’t take credit cards, which was all we had. So we ended up hanging out and talking at the Sapphire Hotel–where they gladly accept credit cards–for a few hours instead.

Wednesday was another of TossedIn’s play readings. The play this time was a not-for-the-faint-of-heart epic that was written by one of the members of the group. It was hilarious and over-the-top. The author had his head in his hands for much of the play, saying, “I’m sorry,” for the unimaginably X-rated language and situations involved. He even told us at one point about how his so-called friend had said, “Look buddy, I don’t think this play is really ready for reading, so I’m not going to make it to the reading tonight” and that he’d “see if I can give you some criticism that would help you out.” Isn’t that a horrible thing to say about a work-in-progress? Anyway, after that, T and I and a couple other people from the group went on a bit of a scavenger hunt. Apparently there’s a game that’s sweeping the world, and it involves using your GPS unit (assuming that you have a GPS unit) to find hidden trinkets and coins, and signing your name on a tiny paper scroll inside. It was a total blast. I still have one of the coins; I need to figure out what to do with it. Hopefully someone’s not going to show up on my doorstep with a GPS and start digging around my apartment building.

Last night was a Breanna gig. There were two other songwriters on the bill, and the show went from 9:00 until midnight. It was pretty grueling. Also, there were only about eight people in the audience for the entire show. Oh well; I’ve played for fewer people, and for far less attentive ones too. So it was a good show, but pretty exhausting. Thank gawd for cheap food and free drinks.

And that’s not even saying anything about work, which was extremely stressful this week, especially yesterday and today. It’s also not saying anything about the fact that J started seeing a new guy this week, which brought a heaviness to my heart because of the connection that she and I have, even despite (or maybe because of. . .?) everything we’ve been through, and as close as we still are. Incidentally, she’s had the same lump-in-the-throat feeling whenever I’ve met someone new, so it goes both ways. We both care about each other so much that it’s sometimes hard to believe that a romantic relationship between us would never work, but we both know it. The good news is that her new guy seems really great, and even from the little bit she’s told me about him, I give their relationship my full support. Can’t wait to meet him. But it’s still kinda bittersweet for me at the same time.

So after this crazy week, I really needed to do simple, relaxing stuff that’s good for me, and that I just enjoy doing. It’s the kind of night that if I was a girl, I’d rejuvenate myself by taking a bath and painting my toenails or something, but what does the trick for me is cooking. I always feel like I’m Taking Care of Myself if I make a nice dinner, because I love to cook, but I never take the time to do it anymore. So tonight I made this:

It’s pasta with Alfredo sauce, smoked salmon, green onions and whole peppercorns. I got the idea from a meal I had at a local restaurant, and then I added my own touches to it. I’m still trying to improve it but even so, it’s always excellent and super easy. Tonight was no exception.

So that was Part One for tonight. Part Two involves watching a DVD I just rented called Haibane Renmei, which was written by the same guy who wrote Serial Experiments: Lain, a very dark, strange, and beautiful anime series. It’s one of my favorites, and I’m very much looking forward to this newer one.

Well, this entry turned out to be quite the novel. I really appreciate you for sticking with it clear through to the end.

MostRecentExGirlfriend and I were driving to some sort of wilderness park in Lake Oswego in her car (she was driving) to meet some distant members of her family, like cousins and stuff, instead of the family members I know in real life. She and I were not seeing each other, and it was the first time we’d spent together since we broke up.

As we drove up to the park at twilight, her three little cousins came running over to the car. They were two little boys about 5 and 8, and then a girl, who was 10. As soon as she opened the car door, the boys started to yell and they wanted to play with her, so she jumped out of the car and ran off with them, leaving the girl standing next to the open car door. The girl watched Ex run off with the two boys, then she turned to me. I was still getting my coat and the rest of my stuff, and she started asking lots of questions like, “Are you guys gonna get married?” (”I don’t think so, no.”) “Have you guys kissed before?” (”Uhh. . .yeah.”)

Then the dream changed, and it was late at night. Ex and I were inside a camping ’shack’ in the park, getting sleeping bags and blankets ready to camp for the night. We were trying to decide where to sleep, and if we should sleep together or separately, and I said something like, “I think it’d be okay for us to sleep together, but we should keep talking about it; I wouldn’t want to do that if it didn’t seem like–” and her girl cousin suddenly popped her head up from a different bunk to say, “The right thing to do?” We both turned and glared at her, annoyed, because we thought we were alone, and because we were having a serious conversation.

Those are all of the specific events that I remember, but it was a pretty long dream. All of the cousins kept saying things like that throughout the dream. Not exactly inappropriate, but certainly intrusive, and we were both feeling very uncomfortable. It was driving both of us crazy.

I’m not gonna lie; I’ve been feeling a little bit off today.

Not sure what it is, but something’s not right. I feel guilty, in a way, for saying I feel lonely, since I have plenty of things to do, and people I’ve been hanging out with, but I’m missing a romantic connection, that’s for sure. I’ve been feeling the void a lot lately.

Parenthetically speaking, is ‘feeling the void’ a mixed metaphor? I don’t know, but at the very least it’s good old-fashioned sloppy writing.

ANYWAY. Enough of this void business. I’m sure it’ll pass. And everything could all change for the better tomorrow.

I’m meeting Sarah Castro right now, and we’re going to see Darjeeling Limited. I love Wes Anderson’s other movies, particularly “Rushmore”, and I’m excited to see this one in the theater.

Tonight, my friend John invited me to go out to dinner at McMenamins’ Edgefield, courtesy of his boss. He works for a fairly well-known software company, so part of his job involves setting up computer networks for Trade Shows and Special Events all the time. Tonight John’s boss needed him to set up a small network of computers out at Edgefield, and that there was “dinner for two” in it for him. At first he balked, because it would have cost him and his wife more to hire a babysitter for the evening than the dinners were worth, so he was prepared to give it a miss. But then he remembered how rarely he and I get a chance to hang out, so he invited me instead. Yay!

John ordered a steak with polenta and grilled vegetables, I had blackened ahi with saffron rice, and we each had a couple of glasses of nice Edgefield wine to go with it all. Suffice it to say that it was an incredible dinner.

When asked if we’d like dessert, we both opted for the same thing, a swirled chocolate/caramel/orange-glaze concoction with a little scoop of chocolate hazelnut ice cream on the side. When the waiter returned, however, he had brought only one. We were surprised at first, but after eating the bread, the salad and the main courses, we decided that splitting dessert was probably a good idea.

After we paid the check, the waiter told us to “have a great night” and “keep taking care of each other”, and then he walked away. Thinking we must have misheard him, we both cracked up laughing in disbelief. He totally thought we were a couple. Apparently two men can’t eat dinner together at a nice restaurant in the little town of Troutdale without raising suspicions, or at least eyebrows.

We were already having a great time, but the waiter’s off-hand comment made the evening hilarious and memorable. Thank you, John, for everything. I hope we can ‘keep taking care of each other’ for years to come!

Today I went to work. Normally that wouldn’t be an unusual thing, except that I was sick for the previous few days. I’m feeling pretty much like myself again.

Shelby and I were supposed to go see Ben Lee on Wednesday night, but I was sick so we agreed to take a rain check. Tonight after work I met her at the Bagdad Theater (yes, for you non-Portlanders, it’s spelled that way), and we went to see the movie Ratatouille. Brilliant movie, by the way. We both completely loved it, and had plenty of “Awwww!” moments. If you get a chance, you should definitely see it on the big screen.

From there we went to meet some of Shelby’s work friends at the Gypsy, which was pretty fun, I have to say. You never know what you’re gonna get when you meet someone’s work friends, but they were a fun bunch of 21-year-olds; one girl and three guys. We all had one drink each, and then Shelby and I invited her friend-girl to the Crystal Ballroom to watch a very unusual event.

It was a listening party of sorts, for the album Zaireeka by the Flaming Lips. It was much more than that, of course, because it involved the playing of all four CD’s at the same time–it’s meant to be played that way, apparently–to create a huge, quadraphonic surround-sound experience. It was incredible. If you live in one of the ten cities that this ’show’ is coming to, or if you happen to know someone with four separate stereos in their home, I recommend that you buy this CD set and experience it for yourself.

Shelby’s friend and her boyfriend lasted about two songs–didn’t seem like their Thing after all. Shelby loved it, but she only lasted for a couple more songs because she had to work early in the morning. I stayed clear through to the end because A) it was fun, B) I’d never heard of an event like that and I wanted to experience it, and C) one of my friends from work was there too, so I stuck around to hang out with him. First time we’ve ever hung out outside of work.

After the show was over, we walked to a gay bar down the street (my friend is gay). It’s not what I would call a ’super-gay’ bar, just a classy bar where the majority of the clientele seems to be gay men. No big deal. We probably stayed there for an hour or so, having a good time talking, and then he suggested that we to go to a different place that he also frequents. I was expecting a place like the first, but the second place turned out to be a SUPER-gay bar. Dark, smoky, smelling of flatulence and sweat, with huge projection-screen TV in the middle of the wall behind the bar showing the original “Star Wars” (What the hunh?), with 25-inch TV’s on each side of the projection screen–and in almost every other corner of the room too–showing hardcore gay porn videos. I like to think that I’m a pretty open-minded guy, but the gay porn and over-the-top sexual vibe in the room was way too much for me to deal with. We talked for a few minutes there, while I kept my back to as many screens as I could and gulped down a glass of water, at which point I said I was ‘fading out’ and gracefully made my exit.

Now I’m home, reeking like cigarettes after spending hours in smoky bars, I’m sweating from drinking iced tea at ten o’clock at night (caffeinated, too. . .I’m such an EEDIOT; I haven’t had any caffeine in at least a month), and I’m slightly frazzled from being surrounded by so much over-the-top gayness. Not that there’s anything inherently wrong with that, but if the majority of your friends are really mellow girls, and then one night you suddenly find yourself in a place where you’re being obviously ogled and your elbow touched as older, slightly grizzled men try to walk past you in a let’s-pretend-it’s-crowded room, with TV’s in the corners that are showing graphic gay porn, it’s a shock to the system. That’s all I’m saying.

I smell like smoke so much that I’m really starting to stink up my apartment, so I’m going to take a quick shower and go to bed. Once I get there, I’m really going to wish that I had a girl I could just hold and cuddle with for a while before we both drift off to sleep.